From the sidelines, I have watched the Republican’s Party’s continuous, “War on Women.” Against all odds, they seem to be winning. As a former foot soldier in the 1960s and 1970s Battle for Feminine Equality. Watching the Republican Party hack away our granddaughters’ rights and our victories, well, as a grandmother and former foot soldier, it is beginning to piss me off.

For instance, the current Republican war against Planned Parenthood must cease. Women need Planned Parenthood because we are not all equal and for many women it is the only healthcare choice. Before destroying this pillar of womens’ rights, may I suggest a truce and a propaganda campaign that would make the National Rifle Association content and gun sales will pop off the shelves? Planned Parenthood will be able to spread their help to young women. They can reach out to the next generation, specifically, Virgins, which by Republican standards are sacred.

The answer lies in the gentle communities and churches of today who still celebrate what I refer to as Virgin Cotillions. The Cotillions are called Father/Daughter Dances. Wouldn’t that have been fun in the 1950s and 1960s, it would have been a dream come true, if my father had been able to get home from work in time. So many things, I wish we had thought of in an earlier decade.

Due to the sentimental aspects of such a night, the cherished moments between father and his virgin daughter, “The Virgin Balls,” are very popular among old standard communities, social organizations and churches. I remember the first time I saw a flyer for the annual Father/Daughter Dance at my veterinarian’s office. That was in the 1990s. It read like a promo for a celibate life. It’s a Virgin Ball.

It is possible to take this sacred night to a higher level by having the fathers’ present their daughters with a pink American M16 assault rifle embossed with the family crest, tattoo, pet, etc. etc. plus the date of the celebration. The NRA would sell the hell out of pink American M16s and Planned Parenthood can reach out to the next generation to offer help during her worthless years. The Father/Daughter Cotillions are wonderful opportunities to Arm Virgins.

Everybody gets a gun, Planned Parenthood will survive, and the sacred Virgins are protected. It would be easy such an easy advertising campaign to a specific audience, the beloved father-protector. Consider the following: “Do you want your daughter to have to carry a rapist’s baby to term,” as the Republicans would prefer? Protect your virgin, arm her.

Armed Virgins is a great idea waiting to be discovered. What is the best security for your daughter, you ask. It is an assault rifle which is more effective than a bat.

It would also ensure your youngest virgins would not be forced to become a mother, as Mike Huckabee prefers. But that gets into Armed Puberty and that is a subject for another day.

Mama Roz
Tuesday, August 18, 2015